To hear funeral bells chime.
This line seems slightly forced in relation with the first one. Not being afraid to die wouldn't really affect if you hear funeral bells or not.
To bear the toughest brunt.
Brunt of what? also, this line seems a bit short.
To consort with the monsters that dwell.
Dwell where? Remember, don't sacrifice making sense for rhyme.
To feel the numbing creepiness.
Numbing creepiness of what? Perhaps changing 'the' to 'its' will help. It specifies the ocean a bit more and solidifies the numbing creepiness.
I've been down to the deepest bottom,
To converese with the phantom.
Bottom of what? You have to be specific. Also, the second line seems a syllable or two short.
To acknowledge mortals are flawed.
How would crossing swords with God help you acknowledge mortals are flawed? Another line that feels like a slight rewording would do it worlds of good.
I'm not afraid to die,
I'm just scared we can't say goodbye.
I'm not afraid to die,
I'm just scared you'll always question why.
Excellent refrain!
To always take that sharp dive.
Adding one more syllable to this line would help the flow.
I've always drank the boiling oil,
To learn to only work and toil.
Another pair of lines that doesn't make sense together - how does drinking boiling oil teach you to work and toil?
I've lain in the shadows for ages,
To consult all the wise sages.
How does laying in the shadows for ages relate to consulting all the wise sages?
I'm just distraught you'll never feel high.
Loved the refrain, though you may want to change 'you'll' to 'you' because 'you'll' is an absolute.
I've been hooked up to the machine too long,
To not hear my angel's song.
Once again, what does being hooked up to the machine too long have to do with not hearing your angel's song? Also, the second line seems a few syllables too short.
I've not known emotions other than hate,
To watch my heart eviscerate.
These lines stood out to me. They hit hard and flows well. My favorite lines in the poem.
I'm just fearful you think it's all a lie.
Getting rid of 'all' would make this line sound a bit better.
I'm just too jaded to see the look in your eye.
Changing 'the' to 'that' would make the line feel more in-your-face do to thew 2nd t's 'hard' sound. also, it's more specific.
But I just can't bear to see you cry.
This is the perfect wording to end this poem. Loveitloveitloveitloveit.
Just a line-by-line in-depth crit of your poem. It was good overall, but I was just pointing out some room for improvements. Take what you will from it.
