Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Moon's Metrophobia

Just a little more.
We are almost there.
Just one step outside the door
And we can get a breath of fresh air.

So long have we have had to wait
Too much pain,
We have had to take.
Such a burden
Is not wise.
Because there's no doubt
That it lead's to your demise.

Someone has to do it.
Might as well be me.
Who else can shoulder,
Such a responsibility?

So now you and I
Should part this destructive trail.
For if you continue much longer,
I'm afraid that you might fail.

Just leave now,
So you can live your life.
I can handle this pain,
You don't need to have such strife.

_____

This is an old poem, from the First Metrophobia....

But don't expect me to just post old ones on here. I will hopefully be doing one post a day with something noteworthy in it.... But yeah! I will totally take requests or anything, I mean I'm pretty much begging for a bone to be thrown. :3

I will kindly donate 3 minutes of my time, and maybe throw in a dozen words of encouragement. :3

Kidding. We need a Renaissance in the AMW or it'll sink into obscurity and mediocrity.

I like how you scramble it in free verse, instead of sticking to rigid structures which timid folk like me swear by. Keep it up, though you could vary the vocab a little.

You want a topic to be thrown at you?

OH MY GOODNESS THE FIRST POST IN HERE THAT ISN'T MINE, WE MUST NOW CELEBRATE THIS DAY AS NICHO DAY, THE KIND AND AWESOME DONATOR.

loljk. But I would if I could.

or it'll sink into obscurity and mediocrity.

Lost track of the AMW after I went AWOL, long even before you were launched towards the ship from the twelve pounders haha.

Yup. Try experimenting with meter and rhyme if you're feeling plucky, and toss in more literary devices to boot.

Have you seen the population of AG in the Video/Flash Games and Tavern Sections? The gene pool that spawned many of them must have been short on grammar and anti-spam genes that day, not to mention being a few proteins short of making the intelligence gene.


I don't know. Old and New, since we're going with the 2012 theme lately.

I visit the Tavern often... :<

Old and New? Well.... let's put a pin in it, and I might upload something fitting the theme besides my entry for the poetry contest.

I really enjoyed the poem of the OP. Its a really nice and witty little poem. Keep up the good work!

This is what happens when everyone on the forums has seemingly disappeared and I'm armed with a mechanical pencil and some paper. I draw armatars and name them. Oh yes. I am the definition of cool.

JEZZ, HOW did you know Jess?

Frank's ancient dwarf god might be a tad upset that you've turned him to a fwarf.

I enjoyed the second poem, it had a certain emotional weight behind it, but as Nicho said, vary word choice, unless going for repetition of course. Also, there were times when it seemed that you used a word just to establish a rhymer, specifically the last stanza, and the word just didn't fit.

I think that's about it as far as comments go, oh and I must point out that if you don't start naming these, this is going to get very dreary.

Well I don't know Jezz, but I see her around a lot . I like the armatar, it's why I doodled it.

Notes have been made about titles, and another vote for expanding word choice. Did I miss anything major?

Oh really? I don't see her on AG anymore.

She was active in the FLP recently, I believe.
Great. Now I feel like a stalker.
Thanks, Nicho. Thanks.

So.. I hope this is a smaller version... Because up close you can see how... not so good it is. While far away is easier on the eyes

FLP?

Anyway, I like the drawing of Jess especially :P

So.. I hope this is a smaller version... Because up close you can see how... not so good it is. While far away is easier on the eyes