Well, sorry. It wasn't supposed to be mean, but it was however supposed to make you stop putting a lot of mediocre/bad RP's on this forum which probably won't attract a lot of players. (Again, no offence meant)
Hi, can I offer a bit of advice? Since you're new to forum RPGs, it may be best to play several of the more popular ones for a while to get a feel of how they run. Another thing you want to consider is your audience. Most of the people who play the forum RPGs tend to be rather mature, so you'll want them to be fairly serious. Genre is another thing you should think about. Right now, a lot of the more popular types right now are about science fiction, fantasy, and super powers. So my advice to you would be to play a few popular RPGs to get a feel on them, then when you feel ready again, try your hand at a fairly mature RPG with a popular setting and style.
Anyway, your latest one is an improvement as in the sheet, but it would be advisable to work out the story a bit more. People usually write about 10 lines for a less serious RP, about 50-75 for a normal one, and up to several hundreds for a super-duper-awesome-and-difficult one. Of course, there have been exceptions to this, but they are fairly rare. {all are approximate values}
