I've decided..with some pushing of Nurve, to turn my most recent Nuzlocke into a story..so you can all ride along with me and share in the joy. So..without further ado
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Chapter 1 - Fire blazes the road on which I skip
"Hehe let's see how they'll evade this one!" pang says to herself while flipping sunglasses on, "I am the ruler of Bad With Dames. Deal with it." "PANG! ARE YOU SITTING ON THAT STUPID WEBSITE AGAIN?!" the shout was deafening, but of no difficulty for momma pang to achieve. "B-but mom, muh internet fame." "I don't give a ****! You are eighteen years old! EIGHTEEN! You should have been out of this house EIGHT YEARS AGO!" "But mom I don't wanna I like it here I don't want responsibility please don't do this to me please." The desperation was evident throughout pang's voice. "See this is what I'm talking about! This is what has happened to you! That sentence had ZERO commas in it! And believe me it needed some." "Yeah but mom it's like that to give realism for-" "I DON'T CARE YOU GO ON YOUR POKERMANS QUEST AND YOU BE HAPPY ABOUT IT" "Ok ok fine", the words leaving pang's mouth as she ran out of the house with much vigor.
"Pacman quest, here I come"
As pang strolled along the town, taking in the landscape for the first time in years, she couldn't help but shield her eyes from the sun...which is nothing but new for her delicate eyes after so long locked inside to take in the glory of internet. Lucky for our wondrous hero, which just so happens to be me, giving this story a weird 3rd person narrative, the path to the Professor's lab is a straightforward one...and lucky for me as well because this allows me to avoid making a setting. Ha!
pang entered the lab, with all its blinking lights, impressive machines, hot staff, and-wait..have any of you played the games, read the manga, or watched the show?! Imagine this shiz for yourself! I have important things to write about! [Disclaimer: If you haven't for any of them, you really shouldn't be reading this story and that's your fault...so /deal with it]
Anyways, yeah...so pang entered the lavatory and approached the professor, the esteemed Professor Oak.
"Professor? I-I'm here for my packermon", the peep could barely be heard. "WHAT IN THE LIVING ****! This is the men's bathroom! And this is no place to ask for your pokemon-gah! Hold on, give me a minute. And if you wouldn't mind, could you PLEASE wait outside?"
pang, being the lovely woman she is, adhered to the request and walked back out to the blinding light. A couple minutes passed when the door was thrown open. "I didn't mean literally outside! Oh gosh whatever, just...just come inside."
A few more minutes passed, in which the Professor explained to our beautiful heroin about what being a pokeman master means and how important it is to take care of one's pokemon...pang more or less listened. Could explain this great in depth description I'm giving right now.
"So...do you understand?" The Professor inquired. "Yyyyep! Now...do I get my digimon?!" "...honestly after that I'm not sure if-" "I choose this one!" pang shouted, holding up Charmander. "Think of all the thing I can burn with this!" "That isn't what you use that for, but at this point I just want you out of my-oh for hell's sake ANOTHER INTERRUPTION?! Oh..it's my grandson Green? Well why didn't you say so!"
Green was an arrogant little prick, and I can say that, because I'm writing the story. I didn't like him much anyways, and in all fairness he kind of deserves this treatment. I mean..I know I killed his ratatatatata and everything but he really didn't have to get in my way with saving the word. Oh? Spoilers? Then play the **** game it came out 14 years ago!"
"Hey PONG! Haha! I see you picked out your pikamen, guess I'll do the same." Green walked over to the table where pang grabbed her Charmander, "I pick squirtle, that way I can beat pang with ease!" "Wow nice such great strategy and work ethic you lazy ****," pang whispered to herself.
"Now children, if I can even call you two that, would you like to give your POKEMON, which is how it is pronounced, a nickname?" pang spoke up first, "Hmm...I'll name mine...Steve! After the almighty deity." "ang that isn't even a real god and...oh god what am I doing, like I'd get through to you. Anyways, Green, would you like to give Squirtle a nickname?" "No way geezer! Nicknames are for losers!" Green laughed, while looking glancing towards pang. "no u" pang retorted, alpha as ****.
"Well, now that you have your pokemon, it is time for you two to be on your way! Good luck! And remember what I told you." pang began to leave, but then remembered something of great importance, "Umm..professor, aren't you going to give us some pokeballs or something so we can catch other parkmon?" "Go pick me up something from the mart and then we'll talk." "But...but...fine"
And so the adventure beg-"Hey pang! Why don't we test out our new pookmons? It'll be fun!"
And fun it was...for pang. An easy match with plenty of scratching and tail-whipping, but alas pang was the better trainer. Leaving behind Green to wonder how he could be such a punk loser, pang quickly went back into the blinding light to start her journey.
Anyway this is freaking hilarious. I've never seen you write before, but you need to do some more. Or I'll do some additional pushing, in your nether region.
What is with you and all of this.... Steve? Just asking.
Steve is the almighty deity that us Steve-ists follow..duh.
Anyway this is freaking hilarious. I've never seen you write before, but you need to do some more. Or I'll do some additional pushing, in your nether region.
;D I'll actually be updating sometime today. I may or may not be adding another bro to my party
Yes, i'm playing fire red at the moment with the nuzlock in place.
Nice. I'm actually going this on LeafGreen (If anyone was curious). Would be doing it on FireRed but it isn't working for me on Vizzed =/
Chapter 2 - I ratataptaptap on the bellies of my foes
"Determined to become a Pokemon master, pang continues on her quest after gaining her very first pokemon, as well as some insightful knowledge on the first step to becoming the greatest." "UMMM...I don't know who you are but I can hear you! You ****ing creep! **** old people and wanting to follow around children."
As pang continued on towards the first path to becoming a pokemon master, which will be after going to the same path and heading to a town, which will need to be doubled over, to grab some stupid unneeded item from the mart, she couldn't help but think about how much of an exciting turn her life has made in just a short time period.
"Here we are. Route 1, I can't believe it...I'm actually going to become a real pokemon trainer! Now just to take me first step and-" *doodaludoodaludoodaludoodalud---rest of battle music* "OH COME ON BULL**** THIS IS THE FIRST STEP I swear it better not be like this." *A wild Pidgey has appeared!* "You know..I get needing to train and all--Go Steve!--but I'd also like to progress at a reasonable--Use scratch! Yeah just keep using it! No dude **** growl that's useless--pace without having to be inter-oh hey I won!"
After an amazing victory and much celebration (while standing completely still as to not initiate another battle) pang came to a realization... "Wait..there is not way in hell I'm going to tell the tale of every single battle! That'll take me ages to finish! I'll just go to the important parts...maybe give little recaps. I don't think the readers would mind too much... If they do they can 1v1 me and I'll 360 no-scope their noob *****."
So after a moment of reflection that was totally not an excuse to let the audience know what will be happening with the story telling, pang made it to Viridian City, and couldn't help but stand in awe at the wonder of the new city. This wonder, though, was not of the beauty or magnificence of the city, but of the fact that even though the city is literally within a few few steps of Pallet Town, pang had never once stepped foot near it. Oh the life of secluded paranoia.
Then, out of the distance, pang noticed a glimmer. Looking towards it, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming urge of giddy excitement as she spotted a gym. Despite her secluded living previously in her life, she had heard plenty about the Pokemon gyms. And never a drop of awe and excitement was lost upon her.
"I can't believe! A real life pikman gym! Screw the Parasoul fetish item, this is much more important!" pang exclaimed to herself, moving forward at a brisk pace of triumph, "I just go in, beat the gym leader there, and oh god there is an old man in the middle of the road what the living hell." Just a few short steps ahead, there appeared to be a man on the brink of consciousness, laying on his back mumbling gibberish to what appeared to be his daughter. But for our hero, being a hero was not in the script, so with much boldness she moved ahead to face the gym, when suddenly she was stopped.
"You caun't go tharoo her thiz iz prifat proper-property!" The old mans sudden outburst made pang jump back quickly. "Private property?! The hell are you talking about?! You are LITERALLY in the middle of a public road how is this private property?!" "You caun't go tharoo her thiz iz prifat proper-property!" The old mans sudden outburst made pang jump back quickly. "What the hell why can't I go through?!" "You caun't go tharoo her thiz iz prifat proper-property!" The old mans sudden outburst made pang jump back quickly.
Suddenly it hit pang, for some reason the old man was stuck on repeat, as if his life was controlled by some sort of code that dictated what he said, but nevertheless she was a determined broad.
"Ok old man, I want you to actually say something else to me this time. And are you drunk?! You reek of scotch." "I'm-I'm nnnot darunk! I jus hafn had m-my mornin caffee." "It's 4pm! Morning coffee happened-ah whatever your drunk like you are listening. Whatever guess I'll have to actually get the Professors Parasoul crap."
And so pang did, with much heroism. The way she walked into the mart, went up to the counter, didn't have to say a word but has the package chucked at her anyway, it could all only be described as inspirational. Surely a sight that would bring back one's faith in our cruel world.
She then trekked back to the lab, continuing to train her majestic Steve, who by now has learned Ember (actually this move was learned a bit ago but let's just pretend it is now happening so I don't have to edit? Just between you and me ok? Ok good). Upon reaching the lab and walking inside, the Professor's face lit up like a lightbulb..and not one of those 'run of the mill' kinds, like some 300Watt ****. Maybe even LED..those are bright, right? Like I know lightbulbs. But man was his face lit up. "Ah wonderful! And for your reward, an invention of mine, the Pokedex!" He stated with glee, "and here comes Green! Green, one for you as well!" "Wait what why does he get one he literally did nothing." pang stated with much discontent. "It's something called favoritism, PONG! Haha!" Green remarked like the little smart-*** punk he is. "Quite right he is!" The Professor chimed in, "But that's besides the point. What is the point is that I need you two to fill this device up to help me with my studies." pang caught the lack of logic in a heartbeat, "umm, professor...if you are the leading professor for plickermon, why can't you just fill this device out by yourself with the extensive knowledge you already have?" "Hahahahaha shut up. Now! For this quest, you two will need some pokeballs. Here is 5 apiece, and if you need more you can buy them at any of the many marts you will be sure to run into during your journey. "But professor...how are we supposed to get money?" "I'm getting real sick of your questions pang, but yes about that. Getting money is actually quite simple, see after you battle an opponent, they become insanely weak for some reason, even if they are a criminal twice your size and most likely a gun! Because of this, after you beat them in battle, merely rummage through their bags and wallets and see how much they have an take it! Simple as that!" "Isn't that stealing, though??" "Last question, pang, or I swear I'll drop kick you. But no! It isn't stealing, it is merely the heart of the battle! Now, no more talking...go!"
Happy enough to be away from Green, pang went back to the route which she has already conquered, but now it is like anew, because the rules are in play, and this means exciting stuff gets to happen. I hope you all bought snacks, because this story is going to be long and you might get hungry and you should really keep track of your health.
"Time to catch my first pokemon! Just have to walk around a bit here in the grass..."
"Ok...just keep walking...you'll find one..."
"No...really...where did they go??"
"OK I'M CALLING BULL**** IT TOOK ME ONE STEP LAST T-oh hey a battle" *battle music that I'm too lazy to type out again* "Oh gosh I can't wait to see which petermon I'm going to get aaaannnnnnnnddddd it's a rattatatatatata great. Oh well..I'll make due."
Shortly into the battle, like literally 2 moves, pang had the rattata(ta?) where she wanted it. "Go! Pokeball!" [Faintly in the distance]: OH COME ON YOU CAN SAY THAT RIGHT BUT NOT POKEMON [/faintly in the distance] The pokeball made contact, and in went the rattata. Only the dreaded pokeball wiggle dance stood in the way of pang's first captured pokemon. "Come on..hold down B...press dooowwwwnnnnn....the harder I press the better chances I have AND YEAH BABY CAUGHT!!!"
"Now, I know you aren't going to be as much of a hot-shot as Steve here will be, but I'm sure you'll do just fine on our team. Now...just need a name. Hmm...how does...Bennie sound? You don't like it?? Ha! Like you have a choice! Come on Bennie, we have an adventure, and you are apart of it now."
"Now that you two lovelies are healed, let's see if that drunkard will let us pass..." pang commented to Bennie and Steve.
Approaching the old man, he was, at the very least, standing upright and seemed to be in a better mood. But nevertheless, caution must always be taken. "Ahh, I've had my coffee now and I feel great! Sure you can go through! Are you in a hurry?" The old man beamed. "Oh no I'm just trying to go on my journey that I've been dreaming of since I'm a little kid (Why does my inner conscience sound like my mom yelling bull****? Ah well)." pang retorted with much seething sarcasm. "Oh good! I can show you how to catch a pokemon then!" "But...I've already caught one...I know how to do it..." "Now..watch closely!"
And so, our heroine was forced to watch a most ungraceful demonstration of an old man catch a pokemon with sheer luck and no pokemon of his own, even though that would technically result in a white out.
"And that's how you do it! just remember you may need to weaken the pokemon first to ensure a greater chance of catching it!" "You literally did nothing but toss a pokeball and hope for the best. And that ISN'T counting wasting my time! I literally watched Green walk by flipping me off!" "Glad I could be of help! And just remember, if you ever want to see how to do it again, just let me know." "oh yeah, because I'm sure I'd forget that difficult process. And in case you aren't getting it, old man, I'm being sarcastic." "No need to be self-conscious! Not everyone gets it right off the bat!" "Good god you were easier to deal with drunk...I'm going!"
Alright, I finally got around to doing this. Anyways, I really liked it. It's my kind of humor (even though I have a broad range of humor, but still). The dialogue is realistic enough to be able to read it in one's head and not sound robotic, and at the same time, it's witty and not trying too hard at getting laughs, leaving it enjoyable whether you find it funny or not.
The MC of this story is also not cringe worthy, despite coming off as random and minor shifts in personality (occasionally), though this could be a good thing if you play it out right. Probably intentional anyways, but just thought I'd point that out.
Transitions from one scene to the next are fairly smooth, and it uses a fair range of different types of humor. One complaint I'd have with it is if somebody dislikes this style of humor, story progression might not be enough to keep them entertained if they came here solely to view other people's experience in a Nuzlocke challenge versus their own (though that's mostly not a problem when the forum is filled with mostly ages 14 +).
7.5/10 So far because I avoid giving high ratings until I see more of it. Would probably be a 9 otherwise.
