I've decided..with some pushing of Nurve, to turn my most recent Nuzlocke into a story..so you can all ride along with me and share in the joy. So..without further ado
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Chapter 1 - Fire blazes the road on which I skip
"Hehe let's see how they'll evade this one!" pang says to herself while flipping sunglasses on, "I am the ruler of Bad With Dames. Deal with it." "PANG! ARE YOU SITTING ON THAT STUPID WEBSITE AGAIN?!" the shout was deafening, but of no difficulty for momma pang to achieve. "B-but mom, muh internet fame." "I don't give a ****! You are eighteen years old! EIGHTEEN! You should have been out of this house EIGHT YEARS AGO!" "But mom I don't wanna I like it here I don't want responsibility please don't do this to me please." The desperation was evident throughout pang's voice. "See this is what I'm talking about! This is what has happened to you! That sentence had ZERO commas in it! And believe me it needed some." "Yeah but mom it's like that to give realism for-" "I DON'T CARE YOU GO ON YOUR POKERMANS QUEST AND YOU BE HAPPY ABOUT IT" "Ok ok fine", the words leaving pang's mouth as she ran out of the house with much vigor.
"Pacman quest, here I come"
As pang strolled along the town, taking in the landscape for the first time in years, she couldn't help but shield her eyes from the sun...which is nothing but new for her delicate eyes after so long locked inside to take in the glory of internet. Lucky for our wondrous hero, which just so happens to be me, giving this story a weird 3rd person narrative, the path to the Professor's lab is a straightforward one...and lucky for me as well because this allows me to avoid making a setting. Ha!
pang entered the lab, with all its blinking lights, impressive machines, hot staff, and-wait..have any of you played the games, read the manga, or watched the show?! Imagine this shiz for yourself! I have important things to write about! [Disclaimer: If you haven't for any of them, you really shouldn't be reading this story and that's your fault...so /deal with it]
Anyways, yeah...so pang entered the lavatory and approached the professor, the esteemed Professor Oak.
"Professor? I-I'm here for my packermon", the peep could barely be heard. "WHAT IN THE LIVING ****! This is the men's bathroom! And this is no place to ask for your pokemon-gah! Hold on, give me a minute. And if you wouldn't mind, could you PLEASE wait outside?"
pang, being the lovely woman she is, adhered to the request and walked back out to the blinding light. A couple minutes passed when the door was thrown open. "I didn't mean literally outside! Oh gosh whatever, just...just come inside."
A few more minutes passed, in which the Professor explained to our beautiful heroin about what being a pokeman master means and how important it is to take care of one's pokemon...pang more or less listened. Could explain this great in depth description I'm giving right now.
"So...do you understand?" The Professor inquired. "Yyyyep! Now...do I get my digimon?!" "...honestly after that I'm not sure if-" "I choose this one!" pang shouted, holding up Charmander. "Think of all the thing I can burn with this!" "That isn't what you use that for, but at this point I just want you out of my-oh for hell's sake ANOTHER INTERRUPTION?! Oh..it's my grandson Green? Well why didn't you say so!"
Green was an arrogant little prick, and I can say that, because I'm writing the story. I didn't like him much anyways, and in all fairness he kind of deserves this treatment. I mean..I know I killed his ratatatatata and everything but he really didn't have to get in my way with saving the word. Oh? Spoilers? Then play the **** game it came out 14 years ago!"
"Hey PONG! Haha! I see you picked out your pikamen, guess I'll do the same." Green walked over to the table where pang grabbed her Charmander, "I pick squirtle, that way I can beat pang with ease!" "Wow nice such great strategy and work ethic you lazy ****," pang whispered to herself.
"Now children, if I can even call you two that, would you like to give your POKEMON, which is how it is pronounced, a nickname?" pang spoke up first, "Hmm...I'll name mine...Steve! After the almighty deity." "ang that isn't even a real god and...oh god what am I doing, like I'd get through to you. Anyways, Green, would you like to give Squirtle a nickname?" "No way geezer! Nicknames are for losers!" Green laughed, while looking glancing towards pang. "no u" pang retorted, alpha as ****.
"Well, now that you have your pokemon, it is time for you two to be on your way! Good luck! And remember what I told you." pang began to leave, but then remembered something of great importance, "Umm..professor, aren't you going to give us some pokeballs or something so we can catch other parkmon?" "Go pick me up something from the mart and then we'll talk." "But...but...fine"
And so the adventure beg-"Hey pang! Why don't we test out our new pookmons? It'll be fun!"
And fun it was...for pang. An easy match with plenty of scratching and tail-whipping, but alas pang was the better trainer. Leaving behind Green to wonder how he could be such a punk loser, pang quickly went back into the blinding light to start her journey.
Chapter 3 - I sting my foes with a stinger which stings
"Very-die-in Forest. Huh, what a peculiar name" pang said to herself. "It's Varidian you idiot!" Some random passerby shouted. "haha no no I'm pretty sure I got it right. Thank's though!" pang shouted back while waving towards the man, continuing into the forest. "I wonder what this place will be like aannnnnd suddenly it's gone black OH GOD WHY IS EVERYTHING BLACK WHAT HAPPE-oh hey I'm on the other side now. You know, that always happens when I walk in and out of places..I wonder why that is. And speaking of weird, who the hell am I talking to? Hey! Narrator!"
....um...yes? "Oh hey cool you can hear me! Yeah, can you like, make my Pillowmon able to talk?" I...er...I don't think that would be a very smart idea. I mean, it would be completely unrealistic, and I feel like it would distract from the point of the story too much... "Oh yeah? Well how about I distract my fist into your face?!" That didn't make any sense. At all. "Yeah whatever. Well..how about...could you like give them more personality?? Maybe pretend they walk with me??" I guess I could do that? Yeah that sounds reasonable. But..um..seriously. You should probably not talk to me. I mean, this story breaks the 4th wall enough as it is..I really don't need you to be doing it so directly.. But pang was already steps ahead of the narrator, as she had turned around and walked off by now. "Hey wait bull**** no I haven't I'm still right here wait what the hell is going on why am I walking away I'M NOT DOING THIS" pang continued walking away, forgetting about how she could talk with the narrator, thus effectively tying up any loose ends.
"Huh, weird. I feel like something very important just happened. Ah well, anyways, you two ready for some training?" Steven and Bennie nodded at her, with fierce determination in their eyes. "Good! But first..OH SNAP SON A WEEDLE! It's only the...rarest PETAmon!" *Intense battle music because seriously, I really like want this weedle* "Alright Bennie! Go mess him up! But not too hard please.."
So yeah long story short I caught that mo-fo. Like seriously I don't even know why but like I always want to catch me a weedle. Maybe it's because of Kakuna, which is OP like crazy. Or maybe it's because Beedrill is cool as hell. But anyways, this next sentence is pang naming the Weedle. Enjoy.
"Hmm...I'm going to name you...Stinger!" "Oh how original you must be some kind of naming genius" Some random nerd shouted from aside" "What did you say to me punk? Lemme go heal my piratemon and then when I get back...OOOHOHOHO just you wait." The fear could be completely seen over the young boy's face, as he shouted "T-thanks" towards pang while she exited the forest [From distance: "OH **** HERE'S THE BLACK AGAIN"]
"Alright, all healed up and ready to go! Where is that punk? Oh there he is..now just to maneuver myself in his line of **** so he can see me..and..aha! Exclamation mark above his head! Show time baby" The battle started, and no more than 5 seconds in pang was crying from laughter. "W-what are you laughing at?" The young boy said, shaking. "First off bahahaha you look RIDICULOUS hahaha second, you're a 'bug catcher'?! bahahahaha like 'oh man get I'm gonna **** these people up with my team of caterpie.'" hahahaha!!" "S-shut up! Just b-because my team i-is of caterpies doesn't m-mean I'm gonna lose!" "...BAHAHAHAHA YOU REALLY DO HAVE A TEAM OF CATERPIE OH GOD"
Safe to say that battle ended swiftly. Oh man the tears on that boy's face! I wish you guys could have seen it! Priceless.
As pang continued to walk through the forest, evolving her Weedle into a kakuna, she noticed a pattern.. "Hey wait..wait..are all of these kids...they are all bug catches! What the living hell! Do they all have a bug fetish or something? Like formicophilia or some crap..oh god gross. Or maybe they are all just unoriginal little punks who are falling into some trend? OR *gasp* maybe they're..CLONES! Oh man this is getting 3spooky5me. I need to just continue on.."
pang continued, eventually evolving Stinger into a Beedrill (**** YEAH), and making all those little copycat punks weep after defeating their "m-muh bugs" team.
"Here we are..the exit. Alright now just to walk through...close my eyes to avoid the dark-scary...and through! Oh wow..Pewter City! Can't wait to face the gym leader. But first..out of curiosity..let's see what the road leading from this place looks like.."
After pang healed her pokemon, like any smart and caring trainer would do, she began heading towards the path out of the town, only to be stopped by some clown. "You're a trainer right? Brock's looking for some new challengers, Follow me!" "wut. Wait why are we walking? Wait, HOW am I walking?! I'm not doing this what black magic is going on?!?!" They then stopped, directly in front of the gym. "If you have the right stuff, go take on Brock." He said, before walking off into the glorious sunset. "I feel like trying to walk that way again, but a sneaking suspicion tells me the same process will happen again" pang glared towards the area from whence she was just dragged from, where the man had already situated himself back into, looking back towards pang giving her a thumbs up"
Looking towards the gym entrance now, pang sighed to herself. "Well, I guess it's time to get my fight Brock for my first badge.."
It may be a bit before my next update. Computer acted up last time I played..making the gameplay a grueling process. Plus I have training/competitions coming up..so I'll try to get some gameplay and maybe an update this weekend..but no promises.
alright guys, I have a new computer and will be able to get back into the swing of things with this. Just have to start up a new game on this computer and get it to where I was with the last game (which thankfully wasn't that far) and I'll be ready to go.
Wow! A whole month sense I made that last post =^D but for reals, I actually am about to start the game now, so hopefully I shall have the next installment within a couple of days
